Monday 18/01/2016 6:09 pm
Today I went to the beach, I think my Ego is disintegrating because I seem to be fully immersed in the moment, in the actual sensory perception of the moment, I'm not forward thinking much and I'm feeling happy and grateful. I looked at the ocean water today, I mean I really looked at it, at the bubbles, the soft swish of the waves, the reflections of light off its surface, and it was beautiful.
I thought about what God said about his creation, His Sun, having healing energy, and the beach is so magically healing as well. I was in the luck of having the beach to myself, just me and my son, so I took the opportunity to speak aloud to God, the more I've been doing that the closer I've gotten to him, to the point where I saw golden light and what seemed like a fold of glowing white robe out of the corner of my eye.
He is so real, so loving.
Anyway... I have been dancing around the nitty gritty, why I have unshakeable faith in the Lord part of this story, and I realise I've just been yabbering away to you and you have no Idea who I am and what the heck I am on about.
So, Hello! My name is Katherine and I am thirty years old. Thirty years old yet my soul is over millennia, so I'm over a thousand years old. I have a beautiful toddler named Jesse who is the product of my TwinFlame union with my divine counterpart, Paul. We met when I was 28 and I had become addicted to Heroin. I had first tried the drug about a year earlier, on a New Years Night and I became, well, enamoured I would say. I guess you could say I should have known better at that age, however, I had been battling the most crippling of all depressions I had ever faced at the time. My inner world was one of pain and torment, I was unemployed, I was single (yet ironically not short of suitors, they must have been suckers for punishment) I was battling a drug addiction that began from my teenage years, and I was possessed by an ancient demon. But of course I didn't realise that at the time, but looking back, I can see where it all began and can attempt to pinpoint how it actually happened.
First I will point out that I grew up with an absent father, although he was in my life via sporadic phone calls and a once a year trip to the city. My mother struggled with depression and alcohol addiction. She worked full time so I was often on my own after school and at nights sometimes and my elder sister was 11 years my senior so she didn't have much to do with me, although she was always nice when I saw her, she had moved out when I was 6. So I grew up with Low self-esteem, I felt unwanted and rejected, plus me being an unusual type of person I didn't quite fit in and others thought me weird. I am an artist and an intellectual and very shy, but once I was out of my shell my friends really liked me. But I had difficulty bonding with them closely or with anyone because I had formed insecure attachments with my parents as a child, which makes someone susceptible to bonding with Drugs instead. I was in a lot of emotional pain, and I was confused.
When I was in early high school I had many problems as teenagers do. I had fun, smoking pot, getting drunk hanging out with my mates, soon my little group of friends all had boyfriends and we'd all hang out smoking pot, talking on the phone after school, getting drunk.
Well after about year of friendships our group had gotten progressively depressed. I was always in a deep dark depression, we listened to Nine Inch Nails, KoRn and Marilyn Manson. We all began to cut ourselves, as many Manson fans are eerily influenced to do. I don't know how I came to be possessed exactly. I'm not blaming Marilyn Manson, he is just a symptom of the disease, an infected pixel in the machine. Was someone else around me possessed? Was it from bloodletting? Drugs? The type of music I listened to? Did someone place a curse on me? Was it a generational demon? I don't know. I don't really wish to get into that part of my life, it seems so Unholy, and that is because it was, there was a creepy stillness that would be in me and around me, a stillness that I mistook for peace or relief. Or perhaps that's just what I would tell myself to ignore the shivers of fear I was feeling. Denial is not just a river in Africa.
I was suicidal constantly and darkness consumed me, even though I had believed in God and Jesus as a child I started to believe there was no God, and It was truly the beginning of what was to become a living nightmare.